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We’ve seen the pictures. We’ve hard the stories. But what exactly did happen to British glamour model and former Miss Great Britain Danielle Lloyd on that night that she ended up bloody, bruised, lying on the pavement, and ruched to the hospital for emergency surgery? Well, from what I’ve gathered, I’ll try to piece together the events that led to a very frightening image of one of the sexiest and most beautiful British celebs this day and age.

At around 10 that night, Danielle and boyfriend, futball player Jamie O’Hara were seen entering the Crystal nightclub, and witnesses claimed that Danielle was acting all haughty and above everyone else, especially since she’s on the arm of a £9,000-a-week footballer. As soon as she entered the bar, all eyes were on them, and pretty soon, dirty looks were being thrown their way. Shortly after, one woman couldn’t take the bitchiness coming from Danielle and decided to do something about. The two started arguing at first, then proceeded to shove each other until the unnamed woman pushed Danielle onto a table full of glasses and bottles which broke under her and eventually cut into her leg. Things started to get panicky and Danielle was carried outside of the club and laid on the pavement while waiting for the ambulance to arrive. Clearly distraught, both Lloyd and boyfriend were rushed to the emergency room as soon as the ambulance arrived where they proceeded to administer over 20 stitches to Danielle’s cut leg to stop the strong bleeding.

Days after the event, everything seems to be fine with Danielle. Despite the scare of almost having her leg cut off because of the massive amounts of blood she lost, there wasn’t anything else to be worried about. I’m just happy all her appendages are still intact. It would have been a shame to lose that leg. Or scar that face. Or (heaven forbid!) those tits! They’re practically her bread and butter and she must have protected them to the death! The moral of the story: never act like you’re the shit because someone out there might not agree with you and cut a bitch. No one is immune from the crazies of the world, so it’s best to be on your best behavior all the time. Let’s wait and see if there will be more to this story in the next coming days. For now, check out some not-so-harrowing pics of Danielle and other sexy celebs right here.

What would you do if you were at a swanky soiree, you sitting on an expensive white fur sofa sipping expensive champagne and nibbling on delectable hors d’œuvres chatting with learned guests about the works of Heidegger and the latest Buñuel exhibit at the Guggenheim while the soft gentle strains of Chet Baker fill the room, and you turn and see a skinny, skanky-looking woman with her legs up in the air straddling some guy who is basically groping her ass to keep her from falling on it. You’d be shocked, right? Now, imagine you discover the woman is walking biohazard Paris Hilton and the man is her boy-of-the-moment human peen-head Doug Reinhardt. You probably wouldn’t be so shocked. Not because she’s a “celebrity”, but because you wouldn’t expect anything less from the tabloid and blogsphere denizen.

Yes, once again the skank and the dick caused quite a stir when they went out a few nights ago and I guess since it was a pretty high-end event and smart, eloquent people were populating the party making things pretty boring for the two idiots, they got bored. So bored in fact that Paris decided to perform an impromptu lapdance for Doug, and I guess all the other people at the party. Thinking that she’s the hottest shit since Cheez Whiz she went ahead and did the full on legs in the air, gyrations, and faux-stripping. Classy. And being the lapdog that he is, Doug was more than eager to take the show in.

See, this is exactly why Paris gets thrown out of every event she attends. Just a few days ago, she was reported to have been thrown off a yacht owned by Elton John’s lover David Furnish because of tonsil hockey in front of disgusted guests. Some time back, she was banned entry into a club because of her previous hard partying. And even before that, she was asked to leave a swanky party because the host did not care for her shenanigans. Why does she even bother to leave the house in the first place? Does she actually believe in the adage “bad publicity is good publicity”? In Paris’ case, it clearly isn’t. She should’ve gotten her fill of bad press by now. But for a fame-hungry whore like her, there’s no such thing as “enough”. See more of that bad behavior from Paris and more of your favorite stars right here.

One is a Grammy-winning superstar with no acting experience and a penchant for displaying her massive boobies on a regular basis, the other is a legendary musical artist and Oscar-winning actress who likes to, in the simplest terms, dress provocatively. And now, the two will be acting in a movie together. Not just any more. But a movie about stripping. Yup, pop singer Christina Aguilera is attached to play a naive country girl who wants to make it in the big city but ends up being a pole dancer in the upcoming Burlesque, and who gets to play the matron of the bar she works at? None other than legendary singer Cher who is still rumored to being considered for the part. I don’t know about you, but this is already shaping up to be the camp spectacular of the season.

Not since Dreamgirls has the gay community has been excited about a project. And not since Showgirls has there been a more trepidatiously awaited screen masterpiece as this one.It just has camp written all over it. There should be one of those disclaimers in front of every theater it will get shown in that advises the viewer to leave their brains at the door and throw all logic and taste out the window. Having said that, I’m sure people will come out in droves to see this exciting piece of cinema. After all, the director attached’s last film was the direct-to-DVD sequel Glass House:The Good Mother with z-list stars Angie Harmon and Jason London. He must seriously be creaming his pants at the chance of working with two pop divas. And if there’s gonna be any nudity - that’s always a plus.

Speaking of which, no word yet if either Xtina or Cher will drop trow for the film, but if a movie about stripping won’t have any nudity, well that’s like an episode of a Snoop Dog reality show where he doesn’t get high. It’s expected. So we should all be looking forward to Christina baring her big breastfeeding boobies and Cher flashing her antiquated bush. And just for the record, I am only looking forward to one of those possibilities. Can you guess which one? It’ll be awhile before this stinker hits theaters - IMDB has it listed for a 2011 release. So, it takes two years to film a movie about showing your tits? I can believe that though, since it takes a week to finish Cher’s make-up alone. Then there’s the body make-up in case she does get naked. It’ll be a whole month of spackling, shaving, bleaching, stapling, taping, tucking, and everything else to make her look cinema worthy. Here’s hoping that it’ll be worth the effort. But you don’t have to work that hard to see your favorite Hollywood celebs get down and dirty, just drop by here.

Before you all get excited at the thought of all your suspicions about the self-proclaimed first supermodel Janice Dickinson being a tranny on account of my headline, I’m thinking more along the lines of her being one big asshole, boob, creep, bitch and any other deprecating adjective to use on Ms. Dickinson. She’s no stranger to sharing her two cents - as evidenced by her low-rated yet popular syndicated cable “documentary” show The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency - and even out and about in real life she forgets to keep her opinions and outbursts in check. Which leads people to think she’s even more of a diva-bitch than she really is.

Just recently, she was videotaped (again) assailing a bunch of paparazzi as she stumbled, dunk, out of a bar and onto her car. Of course, being the walking tabloid fantasy that she is, the paps decided to follow her close. A little to close for her comfort it seems, as she began to scream at the photogs for invading her “private space” and in an attempt to shoo them away started to snap and wave her shawl about, looking like some drunk ballerina fumbling with her prop. The word barrage and swatting continued for a while before, seemingly exhausted, Janice squatted on the pavement and looked like she was about to take a major dump. Classy. As things started to wind down (or the Xanax began kicking in), she calmed herself, got in her car, and sped off. Clearly, encounters with Great Whites and killer Polar Bears are a lot less scarier than what those photographers went through with Janice.

It’s one thing to be outspoken and saying the things that everyone is too polite or afraid to say out loud (yes, I’m looking at you, Simon Cowell). But it’s quite another to do it in such a rude and uneducated kind of way. I mean, for what it’s worth, people welcome honesty - as long as it’s delivered in a frank, non-disparaging kind of way. Not screamed from across the street at full volume while trying to walk off the alcohol. Then again, this is Janice Dickinson we’re talking about. The woman who inhaled so much blow (that’s cocaine and oral sex) in the ’80s it has hampered her discretion gene. No, not hampered - completely obliterated. So maybe it’s not a good idea to hope for ladylike behavior from Janice since she is completely incapable of being one. Which is always great tabloid and blogsphere fodder for us. Check out some more embarrassing Janice Dickinson moments, and other crazy Hollywood celebs, right here.

Lindsay Lohan has had it tough. Actually, to say that would be a total understatement, wouldn’t it? Broke, dumped, washed-up, addicted… all the bad things that could happen to a Hollywood celebrity happened to her. And since she started out as a child performer, it happened to her way too soon. Blame the media if you will, but many child actors have turned out okay as grown-ups. It seems that those Hollywood horror stories about young actors in a downward spiral now has a face. Look up the phrase “Hollywood Casualty” in the encyclopedia and you’d likely see a picture of Lindsay right beside the entry. And now, to add another punchline to the joke that has become her life, LiLo has a new nickname - Dirty Girl. And we’re not just talking about her bout of snatch-eating or her embarrassing post drink binge walk to her car, I’m talking about real dirt and grime and mess in the place where she lives. Here’s the lowdown:

Police responded to a burglar alert at the Hollywood home of Lindsay, but when they got there there were no perps in sight. After the popo entered the premises, they saw the whole place was in disarray. The cops suspected the burglars were responsible for the mess, but upon further investigation discovered the mess to be not so recent. Basically the apartment has been like that for quite some time now. Which only means one thing - Lindsay likes to roll around in her own filth. You know, the way pigs do. Or hermits. After all, she’s too coked up out of her mind to, well, mind the mess around her. She probably enjoys frolicking with the dust bunnies, playing tag with the cockroaches, and constantly puts out food for the rats that infest her pad. After all, them outcasts need to stick together.

Meanwhile, Lindsay is doing her best to get back on the A-list horse by doing a small independent feature that may or may not require her to get naked. She’s set to star in the film The Other Side with fellow z-listers Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, and rock singers Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette. I know, this has got to be the strangest acting line-up in a movie ever. All that’s missing is Ed Asner and Joan Severance and you’ve got yourself a blockbuster. Expect this movie to hit big screens in 2010, or if it’ll succumb to the same fate as LiLo last movie Labor Pains, it’ll go straight to TV. I’m sure the Syfy channel will be very interested. And if you’re interested in seeing more of Lindsay and her many celeb blunders, head on over here.

As far as fame whores go, Katie Price and Peter Andre rival even the biggest in-your-face famous-for-no-reason couples in showbiz today (yeah, I’m looking at you Speidi!). They seemed to be all over, flaunting their fake tans and tight bodies. More so Katie who exposes her rock-hard plastic jugs in revealing dresses every chance she gets. The two seemed like the perfect couple - starving for attention and reveling in the Hollywood lifestyle. But no amount of hair products and Gold’s Gym memberships can save the two now as it has been officially released that Britain’s most grating couple are getting a divorce.

In actuality, the couple who has been together four years and shares two children together have been having some problems for some time now. No doubt brought about by Katie’s many wild drinking sessions which is rumored to have been the straw that broke the Andre’s back. It’s bad enough that he gets suffocated by those over-inflated funbags every night, he has to deal with her drunken antics as well. Well, not anymore since he was the one who filed the divorce papers. In a statement released by Katie, she says she is devastated and saddened by this turn of events. “We have children together and I am devastated and disappointed by Peter’s decision to separate and divorce me - as I married him for life,” Britain’s The Sun quoted Price as saying. Honey, no one marries for life. Even you. You just found someone who had a smidgen of fame and decided to latch on to that like the celeb-hungry leech you are.

Now the two are going their separate ways. And while this is devastating for Katie, the rest of us wouldn’t even shed a tear. Despite being tabloid fodder and the topic of several hate posts and image-bashing from bloggers everywhere, nobody really givers a rat’s ass about these two. Except maybe the UK people, who still manage to tune in every week  to get the latest on the inner-lives of these reality TV stars. Their shows still rate well, their latest one Katie & Peter: Stateside still manages a million viewers a week. But then again, this is Britain we’re talking about. A reality-show obsessed nation who prefer trash TV that quality scripted shows.

So for now, we just have to wait and see how all this goes. If they’ve learned anything from their stay in the US, they should know that a celebrity break-up is the best thing they can do for their carrers. Because then comes the inevitable reunion, book deal, TV appearances, and magazine covers. Which I have a sinking feeling will happen for these two nitwits. Anything to stay relevant. Speaking of desperate to be relevant, check out all the stars here caught in embarassing moments.

She’s shaping up to be one of the most talked about women in America for 2009. She’s not an actress. Not a politician. Not an athlete. She’s Carrie Prejean, a Miss USA contestant that has been thrust into the limelight and is in the center of a shit storm of a controversy since airing her views on gay marriage in front of millions of people. By now you all know the story - Q&A portion of the Miss USA pageant, Carrie draws judge Perez Hilton’s question about gay marriage, Carrie says she’s against it in the religious sense, and the whole liberal army descends on her ass. She’s been called everything from stupid to closed-minded to a heartless bitch. Well, I am here to add another one to that growing list of adjectives: HYPOCRITE.

Yup, the squeaky-clean, God-fearing, Jesus-loving California representative who thinks that queers should never be allowed to marry and have families and believes that gay sex is wrong and that sex in general should be kept in the confines of the bedroom has a past that seems to negate all of those things. Case number 1: Believing that one’s body is a temple and should only be revealed to one’s husband, a leaked photo of a topless Carrie has made the rounds in the blog world and seen by (quite possibly) billions all over the world. Seen by one’s husband? Try everyone else’s. Case number 2: If her body is indeed a temple and one should be grateful with what the Lord has given them, it’s strange that she agreed to do a boob job right before the Miss USA pageant. And to make matters worse, it was the pageant organizers themselves who suggested and paid for it! Case number 3: If she hates gays so much, why is she partying with one of them? In the pic above, we see her hanging out with well-known transexual drag queen Amanda Lepore and seem to be having a good time while she’s at it? This doesn’t only make her a hypocrite, but seriously two-faced as well!

So after all this controversy and after everyone has said what they’ve said about her, what is surprising about her is that she’s still out there, running her mouth off and looking idiotic at the same time. She should have known that her closed-mindedness is a bad thing since it did cost her the Miss USA crown. And now there’s talk that she might get stripped of her Miss California title as well. But I have this sinking suspicion that won’t happen. After all it was California that voted for Proposition 8, so clearly she’s the perfect representative if that state. A place of highly bigoted people who have nothing better to do than to make their boobs bigger and take away basic human rights. So it seems like a right fit. But I wouldn’t be surprised if Carrie will have bad hair days and clown make-up from now on considering that most gay people are the one’s responsible for making her look good.

For more Hollywood blunders and secrets, check out this site.

Yup, she’s done it again. Jessica “You Call This Fat?!” Simpson is once again the topic of conversation by everyone in the blogverse for two things: One she lands on the cover of one of the most respected and renowned award-winning magazines on the planet - Vanity Fair, and two: she screams out the headline which I will use as her middle name from now on out of sheer craziness. I can only imagine how someone of her z-list caliber end up on the cover of such an important magazine. Was Valerie Bertinelli unavailable? How about Suzanne Summers?

In the clearly digitally changed pictures on the cover and inside, she spews “wisdom” about accepting your body for what it is and not giving in to the media standards that plague everyone who shows just an ounce of extra flabbage. While I agree with that view to a certain extent, it pisses me off that she continues to call herself “normal size”. In the real world, yes. But in Hollywood, honey - she’s fat. Let’s just come right out an say it. Owning one’s size is a huge part of people’s perception of who one is. Celebs like Kirstie Alley, Delta Burke, even Scarlett Johansson have all owned their respective sizes and said they love how they look. So when someone as titanic as Jessica says she’s not fat, how are people supposed to take that shit seriously? It just adds more fuel to the ridicule. You know what they say - denial is not just a river in Egypt.

To add insult to this insane circumstance, the magazine where all this fuckery is loacated in is one of the most respected publications in the entire world. A magazine where the essays contained within have won Pulitzers and Nobel prizes. Where the featured photographers are world-renowned and sought-after. And where learned people go to satiate their need for insightful commentary from everything from film to politics. So why would these people resort to the sort of tabloid journalism I would come to expect from something life Us Weekly? That is the big mystery surrounding this crap. Some say Daddy Simpson paid a lot of money for this to happen. Others say VF needs a bit of young readers to improve their circulation. I say Jessica gave every member of the magazine staff blowjobs and had all of them stick things in her ass. That would be the only explanation why this happened. Whatever the reason, it’s here and we just have to deal with it. Because that’s Hollywood for you. Crazy in every way. Just like the celebs you’ll find here - crazy in every way.

She may be at the top of the world right now with her debut album The Fame selling like hotcakes all over the world, her first two singles off that album both went to number one, and she’s traveling the world performing to enthusiastic crowds all over, but American pop sensation Lady Gaga has her share of troubles too, you know. And believe it or not, it all is a direct result of her music. See, I knew it the first time I heard that crappy Just Dance: Lady Gaga’s music is nothing but trouble! No, but seriously, Lady Gaga has has some trouble lately, one stemming from her very colorful and risque, and another involved a fainting spell at a recent show.

First, she was in Russia recently when she was almost arrested because of what she was wearing. And before you go “Serves her right for wearing panties out in public!”, she wasn’t even dressed (or rather undressed) that way. She was reprimanded for wearing leather while visiting the St. Basil’s Cathedral in Moscow. Apparently it’s blasphemous to wear leather in that particular church? Whatever. There should be a big-ass sign on the entrance warning people to not wear leather inside that place to avoid trouble like this. That must have been embarrassing for Lady. But I guess she should have learned her lesson since this isn’t the first time the singer has had problems with the law regarding her clothing. In Chicago during a public outdoor shoot, a policeman took offense to her hot pants.

With regards to the fainting spell, well Lady Gaga in a recent concert in Georgia almost collapsed during her performance. According to The Star online,  “she has been working relentlessly since last summer. She has cris-crossed the globe on numerous occasions promoting her album… and the pressure has now started to get to her. “At a recent show in Atlanta she nearly collapsed on stage the day after a particularly wild night out. Her management have spotted the warning signs and do not want her going off the rails. “They’ve scrapped all her commitments in August to give her time to get her head straight.” So I guess that means Gaga is off the public radar by August. Can’t wait!

But seriously, with all the hard work she’s put into her (however crappy) music, she deserves all the success that can come her way. It’s not easy to do what she does, so kudos to her, panties and all. At least she’s actually doing something, unlike some of the celebs you’ll find here - doing mindless famewhoring and scandalous stuff just to stay in the headlines.