Hollywood Scanner Blog

Oh wow, it’s sexy Saphic Hollywood celeb Lindsay Lohan in a bikini!  It’s only right some American celeb show these Brits who’ve been baring their bodies on the beach how the other side does it.  Being a lesbian, Lindsay can represent ‘the other side’ twice!  But, here’s something that’s totally off-kilter and a bit surprising — these bikini pics of Lindsay just won’t turn you on!  No, there’s no Samantha Ronson hovering in the background like a zombie skeleton to frighten off your woodies with her creepy presence (and don’t forget to give double thanks she’s not here in a bikini too).  These LiLo pics just aren’t hot, though that may be hard to believe, because Lindsay is just too damn skinny in these pictures.  That’s not the body she bared in her nude Marilyn Monroe-inspired pictorial, or in any of her sizzling hot pictorials in the past.  That body looks more like it belongs in a Samantha Ronson pictorial.  But before DJ Sam gets all slap-happy at how much influence she has over Lindsay, she’d better think about the fact that soon their Sapphic sex sessions will be like Ronson making love with herself!  Now if she were as sexy as Pink in her doppelganger sex video, that’d be all right, but having two Samantha Ronsons in bed is something that even Samantha Ronson probably won’t be able to take.  I mean, I don’t know how Lindsay Lohan can take even one in between her legs.

Well, until Lindsay fills up somemore, here’s something to take away those memories of her saggy knockers.  Just click on it and enjoy, and hope this New Year’ll have a hotter Lindsay Lohan for us to jerk off to!

Alicia Keys is one of the sexiest, most sultry performers out there right now.  Her powerful and husky voice and beautiful face have got all the horndogs mesmerized, so how come these bikini photos snapped by the stalkerazzi somehow don’t do it for some people?  Well, as a fan, I’m still stoked about seeing Alicia in a bikini, but as other, more objective people have pointed out, there just isn’t enough sizzle here for the ordinary horndog looking for some hot jerk off material.

I guess Alicia Keys’ lack of ripe knockers just doesn’t appeal to some people, which is too bad for them.  I’m totally enjoying these photographs of Alicia as she relaxes by the poolside of some hotel, all the way down to the way she eats her snacks.  Sure, it’s a bit scary how she scarfs down those vittles like she’s really enjoying herself too much and you can just imagine her eating order after order until she blimps out into Klump-sized proportions, but really, wouldn’t you want to hang out with a hottie who’s got an appetite rather than some anorexic model who’ll just push her food around the plate?  (Just as long as it’s not Britney Spears, who’ll probably eat you up too, but not in the way you like.)  Yeah, so it might be showing a bit on her thighs, but she’s still one sexy hottie in my book.  Just check out that behind and forget about her titties by concentrating on her tush!

So for those who’re a bit underwhelmed by these Alicia Keys bikini photographs, you ought to check out this link, where you can see Alicia at her sexiest and raunchiest.  Maybe that’ll remind you why you’ve been drooling over this honey and buying her albums.  Yup, it’s because she’s beautiful and hot, and ok, talented too.  So forget the bad angle of these stalkerazzi shots and remember why Alicia is a babe by enjoying her dirty photographs and videos on that site.

I think that the UN should take a glance at these images, and they’ll probably come to the same conclusion I did.  Yes, Denise Milani and her awesome chest torpedoes should definitely be deployed to the Gulf of Aden to attack Somali pirates.  Just imagine the shock and awe those assholes will experience at the sight of these gigantic twin 32-DDDs (that’s 3-Ds, which is also the format we wish these pictures came in) hurtling towards them at full speed!  On second thought, those pirates already have enough perks, with all the dough that they’ve been able to acquire from ransoming all that oil back to their real owners.  This big-breasted honey belongs to us, and we’re not giving her up to those bastards…

And in case you’re clueless as to who she is, Denise is a topless model, which means she’s a big-boobed pseudo-celebrity like Keeley Hazell, Lucy Pinder or Katie Price.  If some of those those names sound familiar to you, but you don’t know a thing about Page 3 girls, then maybe you know of them through their homemade porn videos.  Sadly, the awesome twin peaks of Denise Milani haven’t appeared in any sex tape yet, but these wet n’ wild photographs are enough to get us pretty hard for now!  But if you’re looking for some raunchy and erotic video action, then check out this link to see the dirty amateur sex videos of Keeley Hazell and Katie Price.  If you’re having second thoughts, have a gander at Denise Milani again and tell me you don’t want to see someone like her get down n’ dirty!