Hollywood Scanner Blog

Lindsay Lohan has had it tough. Actually, to say that would be a total understatement, wouldn’t it? Broke, dumped, washed-up, addicted… all the bad things that could happen to a Hollywood celebrity happened to her. And since she started out as a child performer, it happened to her way too soon. Blame the media if you will, but many child actors have turned out okay as grown-ups. It seems that those Hollywood horror stories about young actors in a downward spiral now has a face. Look up the phrase “Hollywood Casualty” in the encyclopedia and you’d likely see a picture of Lindsay right beside the entry. And now, to add another punchline to the joke that has become her life, LiLo has a new nickname - Dirty Girl. And we’re not just talking about her bout of snatch-eating or her embarrassing post drink binge walk to her car, I’m talking about real dirt and grime and mess in the place where she lives. Here’s the lowdown:

Police responded to a burglar alert at the Hollywood home of Lindsay, but when they got there there were no perps in sight. After the popo entered the premises, they saw the whole place was in disarray. The cops suspected the burglars were responsible for the mess, but upon further investigation discovered the mess to be not so recent. Basically the apartment has been like that for quite some time now. Which only means one thing - Lindsay likes to roll around in her own filth. You know, the way pigs do. Or hermits. After all, she’s too coked up out of her mind to, well, mind the mess around her. She probably enjoys frolicking with the dust bunnies, playing tag with the cockroaches, and constantly puts out food for the rats that infest her pad. After all, them outcasts need to stick together.

Meanwhile, Lindsay is doing her best to get back on the A-list horse by doing a small independent feature that may or may not require her to get naked. She’s set to star in the film The Other Side with fellow z-listers Woody Harrelson, Giovanni Ribisi, and rock singers Dave Matthews and Alanis Morissette. I know, this has got to be the strangest acting line-up in a movie ever. All that’s missing is Ed Asner and Joan Severance and you’ve got yourself a blockbuster. Expect this movie to hit big screens in 2010, or if it’ll succumb to the same fate as LiLo last movie Labor Pains, it’ll go straight to TV. I’m sure the Syfy channel will be very interested. And if you’re interested in seeing more of Lindsay and her many celeb blunders, head on over here.

Turning her rail-thin back on carpet-munching forever (it seems), Lindsay Lohan spent a wild and crazy night with a bunch of dudes proving once and again that you can’t put a horny slut down. Yup, she was seen partying hard with a bunch of dudes and is now jumping from man to man hoping to score that one who would not only make her get her shit together, but give her the much-needed protein shake that she’s been missing all this time dating Samantha Ronson. Maybe now that she’s got a regular supply of sperm, she’ll get back a few pounds and not make her look like a concentration camp survivor.

Yup, she was seen recently looking as thin as usual and it’s only getting worse. And by worse I mean her boobs are finally feeling the burn. Known for her massive jugs, Lindsay has built a career out of them. And with the rumors of anorexia swirling around her, her breasts seemed to be unaffected. But lately her boobies have flattened out like someone let the air out of them, sagging down to her bellybutton it seems. Which is bad news for LiLo and her supposed foray into live, on-stage stripping. Who would want to pay good money to got a fancy Las Vegas hotel and watch some crack-addicted starlet bare her flat titties on stage. No one, that’s who. So hopefully she gets those babies back on track before they hit her knees.

And so, what can we expect out of our dear Miss Lohan now that she’s back on the straight and narrow (but for her hopefully curved and thick)? Maybe we’ll see her a bit happier from now on, a bit more satisfied. After all, it takes you missing something to know that’s what you really want. So this time away from the peen would help her re-evaluate her career, life plan, and spirituality. See, all the men of the world are right - the penis is a wonderful thing. And now that Lindsay is back on it, the world will be a much better place because of it. As wonderful as the wild and crazy celebs that you’ll find right here.

When you go out for a night on the town, one usually dresses to the nines. But when you’re fame-hungry, talentless, and skanky Tila Tequila, that means the exact opposite. You dress down. Really down. To your underwear.

Yes, you heard me right. The plastic boobed one (or rather, two since there are two of them) thought to herself “Hey, it’s been a while since those bored bloggers with nothing better to do than to follow the exploits of famous people like me has written anything about me in their blogs. I know! I’ll step out tonight, wearing a sexy black blazer, and then as the paparazzi descends — surprise! I’m not wearing a dress! It’s perfect!! They’re gonna have a field day tearing me apart for this publicity stunt!”

And sad to say, she’s right.

What can I do but react? Granted she’s hot. However fake those tits are, they’re still attached to an awesome hard body. Plus she’s so tiny you could spin her around while she’s on top of you. Then there’s also the whole lesbian thing which just fucking gets me hard. How can you not react to someone like her, no matter how blatantly obvious her attention-whoring is.

So for now, I won’t say anything else that hasn’t already been said about these pics. I’m sure you’ve heard a million little quips about her, so I won’t even bother making one here. I’ll just take these pics and file them with the hundred others of Tila that just add to her being one of the most embarassing yet totally fuckable celebs this side of the Z-list. You can see those pics, along with a bunch of others, over here.

Remember, once upon a time, when Lindsay Lohan first sprouted into babehood, her massive jugs and curvy body was the fantasy of every hot-blooded male around? Her little laugh, sweet smile, and sexy innocence would just let your mind go to the most naughtiest places? Her comic timing, her natural talent, her all-around likability that made you overlook the shortcomings of her acting ability? Remember that?

Instead now, we get this…

A hollow shell of this once happy and promising personality, completely consumed by the mass media, spiraling down into the world of tabloid shows, gossip columns, and bad-girl behavior. And now, as has been speculated for months on end, we see her like this. Or rather, what’s left of her. Is it the state of her career (bordering on zero) that’s making her do this to herself? The pressure to stay thin in Hollywood? Trying to catch up with her lesbian lover’s body (which is impossible, because I still believe that Sam Ronson is really a 14-year-old boy). Whatever the reason, it’s starting to look troubling.

I’m sure a lot of you will agree with me when I say she actually looked hotter during her Mean Girls years. At least you had something to hold on to. She was wholesomely steamy, with just a hint of naughtiness. And, of course, those jugs. They were huge enough to get lost in. Where’d they go? Then there’s that sweet, plump ass that bounced playfully when she walked (or better yet, ran in slow motion). I mean, just look at the girl who played the villain in one of Lilo’s movies Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen Megan Fox who’s making tongues wag with her curvy hot body, landing on Sexiest Women lists around the world.

Seriously Lindsay, bring back the poundage. Go to Anorexics Anonymous, eat some cheescake, do some actually funny comedies and get back into the spotlight were you belong. In the meantime, you can check this out for other Lindsay Lohan scandals as well as other gossip heavy celebs.