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Recently brokenhearted, Jessica Simpson put off her sadness away by spending yesterday afternoon with her personal trainer and working out her, uhm, cholesterol-rich body. And no, I’m not saying she’s fat. No, I really don’t. So anyway, this is the first time she’s seen in public after her boyfriend of two years, Tono Romo, disposed her the night before her birthday. Shit, that’s gotta be fucking painful for Jessica’s head. She probably didn’t understand anything that happened that night.

Even Jessica’s family are keeping their eyes on her because they are anxious she might do a Britney Spears (and now, Mischa Barton) sooner or later. People Magazine reports that a family friend said, “The family used to have such faith in Jessica and they worried about Ashlee Simpson. Now they are fully confident in Ashlee’s choices and they worry most of their days about Jessica.“

This break-up is a good thing for Jessica. Well, for the past two years she has been complacent enough that someone still thinks she looks awesome even when she’s, uhm, weighing much much heavier, that she doesn’t care about her looks, life and career anymore. Now, I bet she’ll finally have the spirit to stand up and look in a mirror. It’s been a long time since she moved. And well, see for herself the damage she has done to her once beautiful body, which by the way, you can check out here.

Yup, she’s done it again. Jessica “You Call This Fat?!” Simpson is once again the topic of conversation by everyone in the bloggerville for two things: One she lands on the cover of one of the most respected and renowned award-winning magazines on the planet - Vanity Fair, and two: she screams out the headline which I will use as her middle name from now on out of sheer hilarity. I can only imagine how someone of her z-list caliber end up on the cover of such an important magazine. Was Valerie Bertinelli unavailable? How about Suzanne Summers?

In the clearly digitally changed pictures on the cover and inside, she spews “wisdom” about accepting your body for what it is and not giving in to the media standards that plague everyone who shows just an ounce of extra flabbage. While I agree with that view to a certain extent, it pisses me off that she continues to call herself “normal size”. In the real world, yes. But in Hollywood, honey - she’s fat. Let’s just come right out an say it. Owning one’s size is a huge part of people’s perception of who one is. Celebs like Kirstie Alley, Delta Burke, even Scarlett Johansson have all owned their respective sizes and said they love how they look. So when someone as gigantic as Jessica says she’s not fat, how are people supposed to take that shit seriously? It just adds more fuel to the ridicule. You know what they say - denial is not just a river in Egypt.

To add insult to this crazy circumstance, the magazine where all this fuckery is loacated in is one of the most respected publications in the entire world. A magazine where the essays contained within have won Pulitzers and Nobel prizes. Where the featured photographers are world-renowned and sought-after. And where smart people go to satiate their need for insightful commentary from everything from film to politics. So why would these people resort to the sort of tabloid journalism I would come to expect from something life Us Weekly? That is the big mystery surrounding this crap. Some say Daddy Simpson paid a lot of money for this to happen. Others say VF needs a bit of young readers to improve their circulation. I say Jessica gave every member of the magazine staff blowjobs and had all of them stick things in her ass. That would be the only explanation why this happened. Whatever the reason, it’s here and we just have to deal with it. Because that’s Hollywood for you. Crazy in every way. Just like the celebs you’ll find here - crazy in every way.

On the heels of the LiLo-SamRo break-up that’s buzzing up the blogsphere these days, Jessica Simpson has inadvertently gotten in on the action. Yes, she got dumped. No, not by Tony Romo (although I’m certain a few football fans are praying for that to happen) but by her record label. Due to unsuccessful sales and poor concert attendance (and the fact that she looks like a Goodyear blimp now), Columbia Nashville and Sony Music Nashville has dropped her from the label, most probably ending Jessica’s music career forever.

It’s such a shame considering Jessica’s entire musical career was with Sony Music. Her debut CD Sweet Kisses (which spawned the hit I Wanna Love You Forever) sold a lot of copies and pretty much made a lot of money for the label. But I guess that was like 4 or 5 albums ago. And Jessica’s decision to go from Pop to Country without a smidgen of authenticity didn’t really work out for either party. Dating a Texas team football player doesn’t really give you country music cred, Jess.

So now, with her weight still an issue, her relationship rumored to be on the rocks, and her film career in absentia - Jess looks to be heading for Britney-level crazy anytime soon. But not if Lindsay Lohan gets there first. I don’t really know how this whole thing will pan out for Jessica, but I’d advise her to get her butt moving, get in the best shape on her life, and go naked in Playboy. I promise you it’ll be a real career recharger. Tiffany and Debbie Gibson did it, and look where they are now! Oh, wait…

Take this chance to get hot again, Jess. Just like you were in the pics and videos I found here, a place where Hollywood stars do not want you to go.

In case you haven’t heard, Jessica Simpson’s been trying to revive her career by going country.  She said she’s always been a country girl, despite all those pop albums, and her boyfriend is Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo, so I guess she feels she’s got the right stuff to reinvent herself as a Nashville star, like Romo’s ex, Carrie Underwood.  Well, things aren’t going as smoothly as she planned, I guess, with her last concert getting some horrible reviews from The Niagara Falls review: “It might be unfair calling Jessica Simpson’s show at the Avalon Ballroom Wednesday a train wreck. At some point, a train knows where it’s going.”  The show was also peppered with the kind dumb-blonde Jessica Simpson spiels which made her famous on her reality show.  Things like: “I do pass gas a lot.  I guarantee it smells like roses,” or saying that her man must be ready for anything her man must be ready for anything — including the possibility she might be pregnant with an alien.  Holy shit, is she self-destructing in front of our eyes, or what?

The only thing needed to complete this scenario would be shaving her head bald and then heading off to rehab.  You know who’s done that, don’t you?  Well, let’s check out Jessica Simpson’s hot pics instead, to forget this wreck of a concert ever happened.